The Power of Praise: How to Help Your Child Develop Confidence and Self-Validation
As a parent, you want to encourage and support your child’s growth and development. But did you know that a simple phrase like “good job” can have unintended consequences? Child psychologist Becky Kennedy explains that without specific praise, “good job” can become a “conversation ender,” failing to build your child’s confidence and potentially leading to reliance on external validation.
Building Confidence through Specific Praise
Kennedy recommends asking follow-up questions to show your child that your praise is sincere and highlighting the positive behavior you want them to build on. This approach helps build their confidence and prevents them from relying on external validation. By doing so, you’re helping your child develop inner efficacy, believing in their own abilities and becoming more likely to challenge themselves in pursuit of their goals.
The Importance of Self-Validation
Learning to validate oneself without waiting for generic praise from others is a crucial core skill for children to learn. Kennedy notes that kids who grow up relying on external validation can become “very empty and very fragile [and] very, very anxious.” On the other hand, being able to give oneself an estimation of their work before others do is protective of anxiety and depression.
Going Beyond “Good Job”
While “good job” isn’t inherently harmful, it’s essential to add specific praise to build your child’s confidence. Ask questions like “What did you find most challenging about this project?” or “How did you come up with that idea?” to show genuine interest and encourage your child to share more about themselves. By doing so, you’re helping your child develop a sense of self-worth that isn’t dependent on external validation.
Raising Confident and Self-Assured Children
As a parent, your goal is to help your child become a confident and self-assured individual. By using specific praise and encouraging self-validation, you’re giving your child the tools they need to succeed in life. Remember, it’s not about eliminating “good job” from your vocabulary, but about using it as a starting point for a more meaningful conversation.
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